mind boggling

its times like these, when everything is being torn down around you, that you have a sense that something might happen to just push you over the edge. you have been living your life, waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to get better, and being an optimistic person, expecting things to get better. but then, time after time, things start to get worse. first its the little things, then its more things, and eventually, everything that you thought was going to get better gets worse and worse and worse. i mean, even in roulette, if you consistently bet on black every time, eventually you will win. right now, i feel like i’ve been betting on black for three years straight, and its been consistently, mathematically impossibly, still coming up red. this is how it feels. the feeling makes you start to question things. things in your life that you thought were solid become ephemeral. other things which were ephemeral become more real.

you start to question the solid foundation you had on life. a conservative is a liberal mugged, some say. and its hard to maintain your solidity in the face of multiple body blows. you think, why am i standing here taking this abuse when it would be so much easier to just comply. just stop fighting it. just let life wash over you. just let it do its thing.

you believe that all of your life that you can control your life and your self. that the decisions that you make in your life are your own and you are responsible for what happens to you. what if however, you begin to doubt that? what if, one day, you wake up and say. “damn. i am so tired of fighting. maybe if i just lay down and let life take me away, let myself be the leaf in the stream, life would be so much better. i won’t have to fight anymore. just stop.”

but then you come to your senses. life is not like that. humanity is not like that. life is a struggle. it HAS to be a struggle. you can’t live your life by releasing control of your life. no matter who says that they are there to help, and that they will take on your burdens, those burdens are not theirs to take. those burdens are your and yours alone. is it part of being human, the constant struggle to survive. we woudl not be human without it. God, government, whoever. You, and you alone, are responsible for your own life, liberty and happiness. You and you alone have to survive in thie world, and you have to do it from your own toil. Taking from others is not an option. You must support yourself.